Doing What You Want
Posted March 18th, 2009 by Tawni AndersonI’ve been talking lately about choosing to change. Change can be very difficult, whether it’s a major change or even just something relatively small. But choosing to change, and acting on that decision, increases our personal power and, if we stay with “what is”, also makes us happier. What is it that we’re afraid of? Why do we protect ourselves from our own power? Why are we afraid to take paths that will empower us? If we all did what we wanted, if we were fully empowered, what would be so wrong with that?
Well, other people might be unhappy.
And sometimes this is the excuse we use: we won’t mix things up for fear, say, of upsetting our spouse. But what this really means is that we don’t want the anxiety of worrying about hurting that person.
But everything you do will work out just fine if you just do what you want to do. Be yourself. For many who were raised in a Judeo-Christian tradition, there’s an underlying belief that we think we’re somehow “bad.” We fear that if we were truly empowered, we’d be bad or do bad things.
But whatever you feel, you’re going to feel anyway. The difference is when you’re empowered, you’ll also be doing what you want. If you don’t take your power, you’ll still feel the same way, but you also won’t be doing what you want.
The difference between empowerment and non-empowerment is fear. Nothing gives you energy like not being afraid and doing what you want. When you avoid living, you cheat everyone around you too, because they don’t get the benefit of who you really are. So as long as you’re not, say, an addict, you’re not going to do harm by doing what you want.
Be in the moment, always, but choose to change your life if that is what you want. You’ll be happier, and so will the people around you.
(Adapted from a talk given by Doen Sensei, November 2007)
Tags: anxiety, change, choice, empowerment, fear, happiness
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5 Responses to “Doing What You Want”
March 18th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I really like the message here, and what first comes to mind is Nelson Mandela’s famous statement… how we “fear our own greatness more than failure”. For much of my adult life there have been people telling me how much I am capable of doing, if I’d just do it. As much as I’ve changed inwardly over the years, the necessary leap of faith has not yet happened… I cannot help but think that something terrible will happen if I act on my instincts do what really I want… maybe because it would be more believable if I hadn’t lived for so long with the assumption that for this to happen would be “just too good to be true”. Do I really deserve it? In a world where there is so much war, starvation and death, and every imaginable atrocity going on every day, is it realistic to think that I could actually be happy and make the needed changes? Do I even deserve it? If it is possible then there cannot be even a shread of doubt or fear… total courage, without any second thoughts. I wonder if we can only reach this bold place gradually or if it must come in an instantaneous flash of sudden insight?
March 20th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I agree that ultimately choosing change… towards personal empowerment… is necessary for my own happiness. I also like to think that this choice ought to ultimately assist towards others’ empowerment. At times this feels somewhat self aggrandizing, and in practice it is hard to come to terms with the effects of my efforts, at least in the short term. It takes some humility in practice or, rather, it will be reveal that humility and awareness of both self and others is necessary in order to effect that change both for self and in one’s external environment. I have been recently observing all of this particularly in my place of work. Even when I feel I am listening to everyone, and aiming to act with understanding of my own and others interactions and reactions, I see that efforts towards change and positivity is not necessarily welcome, even when folks are miserable in their situation and often by their own admission. It is humorous even to see how the potential for change can seem both simple and yet monumental.
Realizing that I have made choices to be where I am, and that I do have power to improve my outlook and environment, I am learning to be patient with myself and others, to remain open, not inherently ‘right’ and, occasionally, simultaneously ok with the struggle and, with humor, with myself wishing that others would more easily see it my way. The inherent challenge in this really does feel a golden opportunity for life and growth.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 am
Thank you for these wonderful, insightful comments. I feel like what I was getting at was really understood. Lets keep going together. Lost Coin is both a teaching and a collaborative endeavor. PLease make it your own.
April 4th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
A challenge for me is reconciling my desires that appear to conflict with one another. Is it possible to have/do/be everything I want? Simultaneously?
April 7th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
This post made me want to write a comment at once, but fear prevented words from flowing out for almost three weeks. On the one hand, it’s such a small thing to type a few lines and post a comment. On the other hand, sharing thoughts or feelings really makes me feel vulnerable. Thus, fear is helping me to protect myself. At the same time, it is limiting my thoughts, actions, and feelings. As I understand it, having power means to be responsible, to really see others. I am very much afraid of not being able to carry that.
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